Gold diggers are the most basic of the Atlanta women who you should avoid. You’ll come to find out that almost every unfortunate experience that you’ll encounter with an Atlanta woman, will somehow always trace back to the characteristics of the gold digger.

Understanding the psyche of the gold digger is relatively simple, so long as you understand the story of Bram Stoker’s Dracula. While gold diggers have yet to develop a taste for blood (although that’s subject to change any day now), they do however love preying on unsuspecting wallets and pocket lint, in hopes of obtaining the latest in designer handbags, glitzy heels and other collectible shit that doesn’t really matter.

Their number one rule is to obtain as much as possible without giving “anything” up.  Fortunately for Atlanta men, that’s where most Atlanta women fail.

Dressed in clothes that they’ve purchased from Plato’s Closet (a retailer that specializes in “brand name gently used clothing”), Atlanta’s gold diggers frequently pay visits to Lenox Mall and Phipps Plaza, where they often pretend as if they’re regular shoppers at Jimmy Choo’s and other high end retailers.

Most Atlanta women will profess, that Lenox Mall and the surrounding areas are a little “too gay” for their taste. This usually occurs right after they realize that they can’t afford that $599 Gucci clutch, plus the premium gas that it takes to fill up their leased BMW 3 series sedan or coupe (a favorite among Atlanta’s female urban elitist).

Gold Diggers however realize the true potential of Atlanta’s high end retail. They know that Atlanta is the only city, where you can buy: out of season, high end items, forty percent below cost and still manage to feel as if you’ve overpaid, but justify your purchase by stating that you shopped at Phipps. This subconsciously allows them to convince themselves, that their somehow better than all of their frugal family members and friends.

In a city like Atlanta, one should be careful not to set unrealistic expectations while dating, since setting any expectations usually results in failure.

Try not to expend too much energy avoiding Atlanta’s gold diggers, since to do so would pretty much mean that you would need to move. Instead, minimize your risk by familiarizing yourself with the places that these women frequent, which offers one or all of the following:

Free admission (For women only)
What’s better than free? How about a guy having to pay a $50 dollar cover charge, where women gain free entry on any given night. This small test of tax bracket will separate the men from the boys in the eyes of the Atlanta gold digger.

Valet parking
If you prefer that your car does the talking for you, then be sure to Valet it upon arrival at your favorite restaurant or lounge. Gold diggers typically hang out 15 minutes near the valet before any decent meal.

Priceless menus
She’ll attempt to gauge your reaction once you find out that her Martini was $14.99 a glass and wasn’t imported. It’s imperative that you maintain your Lady Gaga and not flinch at the site of bankruptcy.

A la Carte
A la Carte roughly translated means “From the menu” or ordered separately. In the eyes of the gold digger however, anything French is expensive and expensive is good, even if she has no idea what it means. Try not to laugh when she orders “Fougasse A la Carte” (bread) simply because it sounds like you’ll need to take out a loan to eat it.

Cheap drinks and/or drink specials
Under any other circumstance, drinking on the job would definitely be considered a no-no, but in the event that she fails at retrieving the pin to your debit card, she’ll at least have the drinks to remember you by in the morning. This may work out in your favor depending on your motives or the last time that you received a shot of Penicillin.

Celebrity sightings
Self explanatory

Is a sporting event
It’s every gold diggers dream, that they attend an NBA, NFL or MLB game and for one reason or another, just happen to meet Lebron James, Michael Vick or Derek Jeter. Golf is acceptable if Rory Mcilroy or Tiger Woods is playing. While you probably won’t be the primary target of the evening, you should however continue to be wary of your surroundings and periodically check on the status of your wallet.

Accepts American Express cards
Having an American Express card, means that you’re apart of the social elite, regardless of almost every retailer and merchant refusing to accept the brand. Atlanta’s gold diggers equate American Express logos with good credit and disposable income. Be rest assured however that your money is safe since you won’t be able to purchase anything with almost every establishment refusing service upon seeing it.


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